i am to count my blessings
i define my blessings as things that make me really grin like a mutt inside :
. thathi . amma . akka. nangi . aidan . a lifetime of amazing friends . nam-myo-ho-ren-ge-kyo . zinger meal . ice lemon tea . munaf . starbucks . sampournas . black nailpolish . google . musa'06 . trance . pics of zambia . co loured pens and paper . earrings . brandy/coke . sudoku . stars and moon . minesweeper . spongebob . naruto . bleach . jon bon jovi . hearing from old mates . random pictures . feeling hungry .
Monday 23 June 2008
happiness: a nonsensical post.
a friend once accused me of depending on external things for happiness, and suggested i should find my own happiness.
i have been dawdling about this for a while - specially since this friend was someone i looked up to. to be honest, i felt pretty shitty/downright inferior/kiddish. i guess it hurts more when someone you thought understood you, throws it in your face.
real friends are honest with each other. real friends are there to point out your faults and give their input to help you fix things. real friends should criticize and take criticism well, but not to the point of making the other person feel inferior. then again, it is my fault for taking comments to heart.
i talked to someone older about this issue, and she quickly brushed aside the self-happiness comment saying that MOST people need external factors (money/friends/booze/music/nature/internet) to stock up on happiness. i could go on and on with this external factor list hehe.
true enough, if certain friends of mine did not have a life partner/family close by/a best friend/something stable in their lives, they'd be quite complicated and messed up (as they accuse me to be).
HARUMPH!
i have been dawdling about this for a while - specially since this friend was someone i looked up to. to be honest, i felt pretty shitty/downright inferior/kiddish. i guess it hurts more when someone you thought understood you, throws it in your face.
real friends are honest with each other. real friends are there to point out your faults and give their input to help you fix things. real friends should criticize and take criticism well, but not to the point of making the other person feel inferior. then again, it is my fault for taking comments to heart.
i talked to someone older about this issue, and she quickly brushed aside the self-happiness comment saying that MOST people need external factors (money/friends/booze/music/nature/internet) to stock up on happiness. i could go on and on with this external factor list hehe.
true enough, if certain friends of mine did not have a life partner/family close by/a best friend/something stable in their lives, they'd be quite complicated and messed up (as they accuse me to be).
HARUMPH!
Wednesday 18 June 2008
Where do I begin!?
Getting back on track. Is awfully difficult.
I absolutely hated doing my honours year, which was probably why it dragged on for years (1 and a half actually). My friends, supervisor and any human being that attempted two or more conversations with me during the past year are sick and tired of me. Trust me, I KNOW how silly and dramatic I've been.
'It's ONLY a thesis, get it over and done with, forget about it, just write any damn thing, are you kidding me... are you STILL doing it?, there are bigger things in life, life is going to get worse, its just not ur thing, accept that you cant do it and move on, for goodness sakes...just do it!!!!'
...GARGH, my mind is still in a twirl.
I spent TOO long complaining about everything. Pinning the blame on everything and everyone else. Worrying endlessly about things going wrong and it was a case of forcing myself to go through with it.
Gosh. WHY was it so difficult to complete.
Maybe its because I'm a perfectionist. A crazy one. I need to know that things will be A-OK before throwing myself into something.
Maybe its because everyone expects too much from me. But that's a lazy lie. I expect too much from me. To the point that it paralyzes me when things don't seem right.
Maybe its because I'm a spoilt brat who needs to stop making excuses and just make things happen from now on.
I have a lot to learn.
Do we become wiser when we finally realize that we're not as wise as we thought we were?
I absolutely hated doing my honours year, which was probably why it dragged on for years (1 and a half actually). My friends, supervisor and any human being that attempted two or more conversations with me during the past year are sick and tired of me. Trust me, I KNOW how silly and dramatic I've been.
'It's ONLY a thesis, get it over and done with, forget about it, just write any damn thing, are you kidding me... are you STILL doing it?, there are bigger things in life, life is going to get worse, its just not ur thing, accept that you cant do it and move on, for goodness sakes...just do it!!!!'
...GARGH, my mind is still in a twirl.
I spent TOO long complaining about everything. Pinning the blame on everything and everyone else. Worrying endlessly about things going wrong and it was a case of forcing myself to go through with it.
Gosh. WHY was it so difficult to complete.
Maybe its because I'm a perfectionist. A crazy one. I need to know that things will be A-OK before throwing myself into something.
Maybe its because everyone expects too much from me. But that's a lazy lie. I expect too much from me. To the point that it paralyzes me when things don't seem right.
Maybe its because I'm a spoilt brat who needs to stop making excuses and just make things happen from now on.
I have a lot to learn.
Do we become wiser when we finally realize that we're not as wise as we thought we were?
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